"How Much Is that Doggie Morphadoodle in the Window?"

(A play in three acts by Frankie the Cat)

Cast of Characters (You can say that again!)

FritzGerald McDaniels

Mr. Puff Puff

Mimi Doodle

Bling

Flo

Camel

Captain Potato

Professor Electra

Owner and his two pups

Introduction

Scene: The dark stage of the Morphadoodle Performing Arts Center

Spotlight beams.  Enter FritzGerald McDaniels who dances to center stage, doffs his top hat and bows to the audience.

FritzGerald (singing and dancing with his cane):

     "Flo and Bling

     Bling and Flo

     Two tricky best friends

     With a rap to go

     Where did they come from?

     Ya wanna know?

     A Cat named Frankie

     Wrote the words to their show!"

ACT I

Scene I (Mr. Puff Puff and Mimi Doodle in a hot air balloon on the surface of the moon)

Mimi (disheveled, crying, and looking around):  "The moon -- I don't want to be on the moon- it looks like cheese and I don't like cheese!"

Mr. Puff Puff (holding a bag marked WIND):  "Don't worry Mimi.  I'll have us out of here in no time.  (He lifts the bag up under the deflated balloon.)

Mimi (still crying):  "But now your birthday is ruined.  All I wanted to doodle-do was to take you on a ride over the Grand Canyon so you could watch Old Faithful erupt, and that dastardly Zookah showed up and pushed us on top of the geyser and the hot air launched us into Outer Space. (wailing) And now we're on the moon!"

(The inflated balloon begins to float across the stage.)

Mr. Puff Puff (folding the empty bag marked WIND):  "Calm down, Mimi, I know what else I would like for my birthday."

Mimi (stopping her tears):  "You do?  Tell me.  I'll get it for you."

Mr. Puff Puff (in a voice heard faintly as the curtain closes behind them):  "It's something I've always wanted -- a pet!  A warm, cuddly, well-behaved pet!"

ACT II

Scene I (A storefront, whose window is covered by a curtain- the store is called "Picky Pets:  Where the Perfect PET Chooses YOU."  A lot of strange sounds are coming from inside.)

Mr. Puff Puff (looking pensive and making checkmarks on a piece of paper):  "They certainly ask a lot of questions."

Mimi (looking over his shoulder): "Well dear, it's important to the selection process.  Once you hand in the questionnaire, it is read out loud to the creatures inside.  When a particular creature feels that you are the correct match, it will stand in the window and the curtain will  be opened.  It's pretty noisy in there, so sometimes the potential pet may hear something incorrectly.  You may have to repeat some of your answers to be properly evaluated.  Be patient and be honest."

(Drum roll.)

(Curtain opens to a camel spitting sunflower seeds into the air.)

Camel (slowly turns to Mr. Puff Puff): "Did I hear correctly that your perfect pet must love sand, the desert, and sunflower seeds?"

Mr. Puff Puff (shaking his head):  "No.  No.  I'm not fond of SAND.  I prefer SANDWICHES.  Actually, I checked off 'must love DESSERT, the SUN and FLOWERS.'"

Camel (purses his lips and shakes his head):  "Sorry, Mr. Puff Puff --no match."  (Curtain closes.)

(Drum roll.)

(Curtain opens - Captain Potato sitting on a sofa and watching TV with a bowl of nuts, nutshells, and Candyland strewn on a table in front of him.)

Captain Potato (slyly):  "Hello, matey.  Did I hear that you checked off 'serious', 'solitary', with 'couch potato tendencies'?"

(Mr. Puff Puff and Mimi start trembling.)

Mr. Puff Puff: "No, sir.  Actually I am funny, friendly, and quite an active fellow.  I enjoy track and field."

Captain Potato (rising):  "Well, in that case, put on your running shoes and I'll race you to the end of my ship's gangplank."

(Mimi and Mr. Puff Puff jump backwards.)

(Curtain quickly closes.)

Mr. Puff Puff (nervously):  "Mimi dear, I think I've had enough of this picky pet selection for one day.  Let's just go share a pizza with extra tomatoes and some steak on the side."

Mimi Doodle (reluctantly turning to leave):  "All right Puff Puff, we'll put a birthday candle in your pizza pie."

(As the two begin to exit the stage, another drum roll sounds and the curtain flies open.  Bling and Flo are jumping up and down, banging on the window and shouting.)

Bling and Flo:  "Did you say, 'Pizza!...Tomatoes!...Steak!'?  Hey you two!!!  We pick you!!!!!!  Wait for us!"

(The door to the store bursts open and the pair race after Mr. Puff Puff and Mimi Doodle, the little red guy riding on the big guy's giant yellow tail.)

ACT III

One year later.

Scene I (Stage is dark.  Spotlight on center stage reveals a group of pets gathered outside under a banner that reads PICKY PET REUNION.  Mimi Doodle and Mr. Puff Puff are standing next to their tethered hot air balloon, stage right, smiling with pride at Bling and Flo.)

Professor Electra (removing his camera from its case):  "Bling (who is "wagging" his tail from side to side, knocking over several of the pets) if you would kindly stand still.  Flo (who is doing a handstand on Bling's head) if you would kindly stand up,then I can take a picture of this year's PICKY PET REUNION.  I can just see it on a magazine cover."

Bling (trying to calm himself but spies a person walking two very cute pups):  "Wait, Professor, wouldn't those little pooches be perfect in our picture?"

(With that, he launches Flo into the air.  The little red torpedo lands gingerly on the distracted owner's nose. He shrieks and drops the leashes.  Bling bounces over, snatches the pair, and adds them to the group.)

Bling (smiling and shouting to the puppies' exasperated owner):  "Just want to borrow your furry four leggers for this photo op."

(The owner - with Flo still clinging to his nose- starts to protest, but stops when Professor Electra turns around.)

Owner (incredulous):  "Why you're...you're..."

Bling (pointing to the camera man):  "That's right. He's the world famous photographer, Professor Electra, and he's going to put your puppies on the cover of a magazine."

Bling (addressing the little red menace):  "Heave ho, Flo, back you go!"

(Flo, on cue, performs three cartwheels, two backward rolls, one handstand, and lands on the tip of Bling's now-still tail.)

Electra (with a cleansing sigh, aiming his camera): "All right then.  On the count of three I want everyone to smile and say 'CHEESE'."

On hearing the dreaded word "cheese":

Bling boings:  "CHEESE"!

Flo flips:  "CHEESE"!

Mimi Doodle moans:  "CHEESE"!

Mr. Puff Puff protests:  "CHEESE"!

And the four hop into the hot air balloonand dash away, shouting:  "CHEESE!!  CHEESE!!  We don't like CHEESE!  It looks like the moon and we DON"T LIKE THE MOON!"

Stage goes black.

THE END.